Womanflu

When I am ill I feel untouched
By things I used to love so much
There's no good food that you could cook
I cannot think, can't read a book
I'm fed up, bored and malcontent
My temper out of shape is bent

In time I will forget this flu
In time I'll feel like someone new
But now my world is all askew
My head all filled with sticky glue
I'm looking rough and feeling blue
I hope you do not catch it too



Running I

In summer many people run
Miles and miles, they say, for fun
Now run for fun is just a fiction
At the least a contradiction
Today I ran 200 yards
It hit my system very hard
My face first turned a beetroot red
Then came pounding in my head
And if I die before my time
No more will I write great rhymes
So write to me, persuade me not
To wreck what little health I've got



Keep On Running

The rheumatism's hit my knees
Don't tell me that I'm ancient please
It's causing me a lot of pain
My running program's been in vain
I wonder if I should revise
My master plan for exercise
Though really I don't want to quit
I'd like to be a lot more fit
I need to be more motivated
My sporting effort is belated
So here I go around the block
Trying to turn back the clock



Tonsilitis

Tonsilitis, the doctor said
My daughter has to stay in bed
She looks just slightly like a frog
My poor young girl, my little sprog
With glands all swollen she can't talk
Pills by the dozen, rattling walk
Enforced now into golden silence
She is so stressed she might do violence
I'd better help reduce the steam
By feeding her some nice ice cream



Loose Woman

My dodgy knees I had to treat
My doctor said I had to meet
A nice young man so he could see
If my cure was physiotherapy
So off I hobbled, put on shorts
He looked at my knees as I walked
He checked all angles, pushed me round
And then explained what he had found
Far from just bony and quite knobbled
On top of that my knees have wobbles
They're heading east and moving west
Co-ordination's not the best
And even worse, when exercised
They're not aligned with my poor thighs
So now I'm on a strict regime
To line them up, make them a team
To muster them under control
Each time I take the shortest stroll
I'll sort them out, I'll get across
This message: that I am the boss
They must not do just as they please
I will subdue my wayward knees



Weights

My son wants to develop muscles
Saving him from playground tussles
I thought I'd help him with a gift
A set of weights that he could lift
I shopped around- they must be right
For young boys who have not much might
I found a kit with three that seemed
Not too much weight for one, thirteen
But when they placed them in my hands
They were much heavier than I'd planned
I staggered back, arms hit the floor
I had to drag them to the door
I felt a fool, I was a clot
For just one thing I had forgot
I had all three sets in one kit
For lifting them I was not fit
I could not show them in the shop
I had my pride, I could not stop
So off I went, I beat a path
While those behind me stopped to laugh
I dragged them down the street, not far
Then called my husband for the car



Titfer

My doctor says I need a hat
To keep my skin as pale as that
Victorian lady in a book
Who sports an alabaster look
But when I was a girl at school
I had to wear a hat, uncool
Which made me look an awful fright
When I got on the bus at night
This awful hat could not be hid
So I was teased by other kids
Since when, I never more have worn
A hat which other folks can scorn
So now I fear I will not find
A hat which to my face is kind
A funky look which shades my skin
And will not make onlookers grin
I do not want a hat at all
I think I'll buy a parasol



Faint

I've now met my new doctor
Whom I'd never met before
Was kindly introduced to him
While lying on his floor
I'd staggered to his surgery
Not feeling very well
Just as I reached his little room
Down to the floor I fell
So there I lay embarrassed
While feeling very faint
And he, most kind and helpful
Tried to deal with my complaint
But the next time that I visit
I will try to stay aware
And conduct myself more sensibly
By sitting on a chair



Awake Again

I've had a major operation
Now I'm back at this location
Writing ditties as before
But changed in ways I can't ignore
For life is passing like a dream
Yet details I had never seen
Stand out in colours as I look
The ant that's crawling on my book
The cloud that's passing overhead
The creases up and down my bed
So much to savour and to feel
But still it seems it is not real
As drifting on through each new day
My mind is filled with thoughts so stray
Consider, if you will, perhaps
That far from concentration's lapse
This state of mind is clean and clear
Seeing all that is so near
Instead of filling up your thoughts
With what you did or what you ought
What's real and present is the fact
Perspective that we often lack



Hula That Hoop!

That plastic ring is light enough
To whirl it shouldn't be too tough
But some time later my waist feels
Surrounded by a ring of steel
While bending down has killed my back
It's clear that hula skills I lack
My teenage son is racked with shame
He's leaving home; he'll change his name
Embarassed by my latest fad
He thinks I'm simply barking mad
I will admit, I am not cool
I'm just a hula-hooping fool
But if with grit I persevere
I'll soon be twirling round my ear
Between my toes and up the street
So I will not admit defeat
Though just for now I am not sure
Just how to keep it off the floor



Lazy Eye

I have a lazy little eye
It will not move, I'm not sure why
I try to trick it: squint and wink
I shut one eye and quickly blink
Instead of looking all around
It seems more interest it has found
In keeping up its awkward pose
The better to survey my nose