Food for Thought

They say that work is food for thought
If you approach it as you ought
But this week I'm in such a mood
That all I've had is thought for food
And though I've eaten while at home
Each morning now my mind has roamed
While tied entirely to my post
I really want a piece of toast
By midday all my lunch is gone
All afternoon I ponder on
What I'll be eating for my tea
There'll soon be twice as much of me
I'll have to learn to concentrate
Or else my boss will be irate
And I will have to work no more
Because I don't fit through the door



Tomatoes

All week I eat tomatoes
Though my husband's a good cook
For any other fruit or veg
He will not spare a look
But I'll look like a tomato
If he carries on like this
Red and round and kind of squashy
And by now I truly miss
Cabbage, broccoli and carrots
Peas and beans and aubergine
Sweetcorn, marrow, swede and lettuce
And all flavours in between
I have tried the subtle hinting
Left out lots of recipes
But he really doesn't listen
To such messages as these
Now tomatoes are quite tasty
And I also like my man
So I hope I'm not too hasty
If I hit him with a can



Dieting

Eating chocolate is a sin
Plus, really dodgy for the skin
Bread, potatoes, cakes and jam
Are bad for me, as is ham
Pastry's stodgy, can't eat cream
Of crisps and sweets I only dream
Others' fantasies are rude
Mine are all of fattening food
Soon my nights will be more quiet
When I've finished with this diet



Jars

To open up a jar of sauce
I feel you have to take a course
To build the muscles in your arm
Or you could do yourself some harm
They twist the lids so very tight
I think it must be their delight
To make each woman feel a twit
When she cannot open it
We have to ask a beefy man -
I think I will just stick to cans



Not Very Fruity

A very sweet and kind old man
Who makes up the disaster plan
Gave me a mince pie for a treat
A little token I could eat
But when I bit into the crust
My hopes they all were turned to dust
For in the pie, mincemeat was gone
I really felt that I'd been done
The packaging was all I got
And inside that, well not a lot
So girls, be careful not to take
A present that is just half-baked
And check that all your pastry, puffed
With fruity filling is quite stuffed



Fat Rap

Giving up my knife and fork now cos I ate too much
No, I simply cannot walk now cos I ate too much
Got no energy to talk now cos I ate too much
Feeling like a piece of pork now cos I ate too much
Like a wobbly bit of blubber
Bouncing up and down like rubber
Walking round just like a lubber cos I ate too much.



Grocery Shopping

The big responsibility
Which from my love I seek
Apart from making cups of tea
Is shopping every week
For every day he's early home
Arriving about four
So to the shops he then could roam
Before I reach the door
So why is it when I arrive
Home on a Friday night
There's not enough food to survive?
It gets me quite uptight
For shopping on a Saturday
Is not remotely fun
I'd rather be at home, at play
Or sitting in the sun
The thought of buying groceries
It gets me all aquiver
So now I get a lovely man
Round my house, to deliver



The Only Times I Eat

I hardly ever eat, I thought
I'll make a list - it will be short
I eat when happy and when sad
Or when I feel my health is bad
I eat when nervous and when bored
I eat so winter fat is stored
I eat when thinking I'll lose weight
Then eat, forgetting that I ate
But there's one more time though, I forgot
I eat when hungry. That's the lot!